I’ve already lost touch with a couple of people I used to be – J. Didion
The person I am today is not the person I was yesterday. I have changed. I am not the same. I know things today that were not even in existence yesterday. They have yet to be created in the minds of those yet to be.
The woman you met last weekend does not appear to look the same this week. A new pair of shoes matched with an old pair of jeans gives her a completely different look today. I wonder how she will look tomorrow.
There was a time when I thought I knew who I was, who I am or who I will be. It came to me, however, that I am a constantly evolving being; I am ever changing, ever recreating and always reimagining who I am.
I have changed from the time we said hello to the time we say goodbye. Goodbye.
For those of you expecting the same little girl who will act and think the way she was when you last saw her back then, I apologize. She is gone. She is no longer in existence. She has changed. Morphed into a queen, a ruler of people, a leader for those who choose to follow her into themselves.
“Who is she”, they whisper as I walk into any room. Those who know me say “Don’t you know?” and leave it at that because they know I am safe, dangerous, angry, in pain, sick, health, loving, kind and I have been known to be all of them at the same time.
Who I used to be is not who I am.
I can fuck you one moment and not acknowledge your very existence the next. Because you are now in a space in which I no longer exist. I have changed and moved on.
Those who love me accept that I float in and out of their lives in love and sacred joy. They know that I am still changing, seeking, searching for what I am not sure, but I know that sitting on my wide beautiful black ass will not get me any closer to whatever it is.
So I keep changing and moving and sorting things out
Because while you have been reading this, I have changed again.