We can’t escape the giggles….

I know it's sad, but we all giggle...

I know it’s sad, but we all giggle…

We have all done it before. No matter how much of a feminist we are. Even if we have called ourselves a liberated, self-aware modern woman, at some point in life we have found ourselves becoming the woman that we swore we would never become. No matter the age, race, or ideology, we all become that giggly girl on the phone when we enter a new relationship.

You know that woman, the ones that we hate to see, on the phone, obviously in the infant stages of a relationship, giggling. You know the one, she wears a wide toothy smile, eyelashes batting, face flushed as she looks around her surroundings as if she has a secret that only she and the object of this embarrassing activity know about. It is just sickening. You can always spot her in a crowd, she has a glow about her as if she was the subject of a Renascence painting of the Madonna with a golden halo about her head. And that is just the response to seeing his name pop up on her phone. She then lowers her voice, it becomes softer, kinder, gentler, even genteel as she says hello.

Giggles start in the middle of the throat. There is a little tingle that starts where the nape of the neck meets the shoulders. The more you talk to your intended, the more this sensation slowly crawls, and as it does, it grows with intensity. As it moves up, it hits the back of your throat, there is an automatic reflex to open your mouth, and then it happens. The giggle. You look around to see if anyone has caught you performing this childhood activity, but you feel little girl, complete with pig tails and ribbons.

This is what we are reduced because of some man? Ok, he is a cute man. Well, he does make us laugh and he tells us we are beautiful. He cares about us, and makes us feel special. These clandestine phone calls are what get me through the day. He belongs to me. No one else’s, just mine and mine alone. I won’t share him; we are not that far in our “relationship” yet. I don’t any of my friends to ruin it. (And yes, those unhappy heifers will try to ruin it.) I want to live in this fantasy world that is only real in my head. It is not based on reality, it is not based on a time table, and it is not based on the matching his and hers towel set that I have imagined in our perfect bathroom, located in our perfect house, with our perfect kids…you get the picture.

The giggle actually begins when we see his face on the caller ID. Heaven forbid if we give him some “special” ring tone. (Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye always was a good one for me…lol.) We look at his picture on our smart phone, take a deep breath, and then say hello. This hello is airy because, of course, he always takes your breath away. Then you do it…you throw your head back, slowly bat your eyes, and that giggle comes out of nowhere. And he hasn’t said anything but “hello”.

Just the thought of it makes me ill. I mean come on, we are educated professional women. We have worked hard to be taken seriously in our careers, to be seen as surpassing all measurements of excellence by our peers. And we giggle? A girly giggle at that. It is like you have become a totally different personality when you talk to him on the phone. Like an airheaded nit-wit. Everything he says is hilarious, and you just laugh and laugh, but in a breathy sort of way. (Doesn’t that give you a headache missing all that oxygen?) You listen with baited breath; you call him by a special nickname. (I always use Sunshine, it just works when you say it in a special, always surprised and elated to hear your voice sort of way…lol.) Your personality changes, your demeanor changes, heck, even your posture changes, back straight, shoulders back, chest out, you know the drill.

Women of all ages, races, ethnicity, and economic status do it. Giggle.

Wait, was that my phone? Ah yes, Marvin Gaye singing that sweet song. As I gaze at his face on the phone and smile, I can feel it begin, from the bottom of my throat, coming right to the top of my neck…

Damn,

Giggle….

Hey Babe…

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