To tell or not to tell…That is the double standard

Sometimes it is better not to tell...

Sometimes it is better not to tell…

Why is it that when you are a woman, and you share your sexual history with a new or potential relationship, there is always a small problem? The number? I am a firm believer that men, when talking to women about their sexual history, have a number in there head, that when it is approached, the scale tips from a woman becoming a potential “mate” to her being a “ho”. I think that each man has a different number in their head, and this number is solely based on the number of partners that they have had in their past, and should a woman come even close to their number, she then becomes a ho, slut, whore, skank, whatever the word of the day is.

Is that really fair though? I mean I am not condoning the at-risk behavior of anyone. I am not making a moral or spiritual mandate of celibacy or remaining virginal. I am not saying the right way to live your life, because it is yours not mines. I do believe however, that there is a sexual moral double standard, and the standard set for women is much higher than the one set for men. Men are expected to have experience in the “marital” bedroom. And how is this “experience” gained? Well, I am going to assume it is not through books, pictures or movies…or is it?

There are men out there that cannot handle the idea of their woman having a larger sexual appetite than theirs. There is something that makes a man think twice about being with a woman who goes after what she wants sexually, who is not afraid to call it like she sees it, who is looking to have her itch scratched, be licked, filled, and stuffed in a variety of ways. Who tells a man he is not hitting the spot, or that he just needs to stop, and let’s try again later (maybe after he has read one of those educational books). Or is it that sex is the last area of dominance for a man, and women have now “taken” that over too.

It seems to be OK for him to have a variety of women who will meet all of his “sexual” needs. One woman that will do this and another that specializes in that. But what if he found one woman that could do all of that, plus some things he never even imagined could be done? I get the feeling that he would probably be scared of her and that fear would lead to feelings of anxiety in the areas of capability and proficiency. There comes a shift in the mentality from I can please her to can I please her. Yep, those are two very differing mind sets.

There are women today that are on a search, and it seems that the older we get, the more we search. We are looking for someone who can please us in the manner we want to be pleased. We are looking for “Mr. Goodbar”, and having a hard time finding him. We want someone who is not concerned about his pleasure, because he knows if she is happy, he will be more than happy. Someone who not only will hear us, but listen and understands that all moans are not created equal. And someone who understands that in order to find that special one who meets those qualifications of satisfaction, she may have to go through a few, well you are grown, figure it out. And here in lies the problem that some men have.

I was having a conversation with a man recently who wanted to explain to me his sexual prowess by divulging the number of sexual partners that he had. So I listened to him, and then proceeded to tell him of some of my conquests…a strange look came over his face…and I am not sure why. It seems that he was either counting my “conquests” compared to his, or (and I would rather like to think this one), he was beginning to have performance anxiety…was he going to be able to compete or satisfy. But I think it was the first one. The number game.

I have asked men this question, is there a number of previous partners a woman can have that would have them be considered a whore? And believe it or not, a majority of them have said yes there is. When asked why, they are not sure. It seems to go back to some old fashioned 1950’s, vision of mom in the kitchen with an apron on, having the meal cooked and on the table waiting for their man to get home from a long day’s work. But these men seem to forget that the “Beavers” mom and dad slept in separate twin sized beds.

Men say they want a lady in the street, and a freak in the sheets, but how freaky is up for discussion. All I have to say is the following: Remember when a man tells you how many past sexual partners he has had, he is probably exaggerating and inflating his number, but when a woman tells the number of sexual partners, you can best believe that she is low balling that number by quite a bit….LOL…


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