There can’t be two penises….for my independent Sisters

There can only be one "penis" in a relationship.

There can only be one “penis” in a relationship.

I once dated a gentleman simply because during our first date, the conversation turned to my car. He asked me when I last had my oil changed. He was asking because he was going out of town, it was cold, and he did not want me to have car trouble while he was gone. I found this amazing. Here was a man who cared enough about me, as a person that he wanted to insure that I was not going to be stranded because of automotive issues. He barely knew me, we really had just met, but he identified me as a person that he could care about, and he did not want anything to happen to me or my car, even something as an oil change. And I let him.

I know how to go get an oil change. I know where the oil and lube quick changes are. I know how to pay attention to a check engine light, I have made enough money to pay for this myself, I did not need his assistance. I have had my oil changed at least a hundred times, but he wanted to do this, and for the first time, I let him.

I came to understand there is one great principle that sometimes, we as women, regardless of race, creed, socio-economic status, need to understand…There cannot be two penises in a relationship. Yes, I said it…

I hate to say it, and I am sure that I will be drummed out of the “Progressive Forward Thinking Women’s Club” but I must make this overwhelmingly unpopular statement. We, women, keep saying that we are looking for a man, but when one come our way, we feel the need to show how independent we are. We have informed them of how we can do any and everything by ourselves, and have been doing so for quite some time now. We tell anyone who will listen that we can do bad all by ourselves, and we don’t really need a man to do anything for us. And we wonder why we are alone?
There has to be someone who is allowed to be the one who leads the direction the relationship is going.

We make it hard for a brother to be a man. We know how to emasculate him with the quickness. We use words that challenge his manhood. We give looks that telegraph our irritation with a current temporary situation. We compete with our men, in areas we have no business competing. We do what we can to show that we can’t be bossed, and told what to do. We are holding on to independence when we don’t have a clear definition of the word. We actually have dick slamming competitions with our own men to prove who is really “wearing the pants”, and our dicks are at times bigger than theirs. We are fast to chop down his attempts to please us because we have determined that we could do better. And many of us do this without even realizing what we are doing until it is to late.

I understand that we have been hurt before. I know that we have been betrayed, lied on, cheated with, disappointed, and we are angry. I get all of that, and I am not saying that there have been times when we have had to carry the brunt of load. We have had to keep the job, raise the kids, maintain the house, and be the mechanic for the car. We have had to do this, in many cases, with no support, financial or emotional from some man that we should not have set up house with, should have never had children with, and never should have fallen for. And with all that being said, at some point in our relationship, we must let a man be a man…just as we have to take our role as a woman, which is not a minimal or limited one.

Call me old fashioned or call me naïve, but a relationship can only have one head. There are not two Presidents of the United States at the same time. There is only one Leader of the Free World. I have come to learn that being partners does not always mean being equals, nor should it. Partners mean that there are times when you are the one to carry us through, and sometime he is the one…and there are many opportunities for both us to put in an equal amount of effort to move us to where we need to be. There are times when it is better for him to take the lead, and there are other times when it is better for me to guide the way. When we recognize each other’s strengths and know when to use them for our survival.

So my sisters…put your penis back in your pants, or better yet, castrate yourself. Stand in who you are, and allow your partner to stand within themselves as well. Understand the power that comes when two people who know who and what they are to each other have when working together to make it a lasting relationship of friendship and love…

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