It’s about time…Being a bit selfish

I am being selfish today...just for me.

I am being selfish today…just for me.

I am going to be selfish today. I am going to think of me above all others today, for today is the day that I officially forgive you. Forgiving you is not about you, but it is really about me. It is for my healing. It is for my soul.

Yes, today, this day, I am forgiving the times you put you first, ahead of us. I am forgiving you for the betrayal that had a stranglehold of my heart. I am forgiving you for the times that I let you have power over my life, my love, and my mind, I gave you those gifts, and I forgive you for abusing them. I am forgiving you for not loving me the way that I needed to be love, and forgiving you for not trying hard enough to love me the way I needed to be loved.

I release you today. Yes, today is the day of your release. I release you from our friendship; you did not value it anyway, so there is no reason for you to keep it. I release you from my looking at you with pity; I can save that for people and situations that deserve it. I am releasing you of your inability to be honest, you can tell all the lies that you want to, I just don’t have to hear them anymore. I am releasing you from my expectations that I had of you. You are simply not capable of meeting them, and I release you from having to meet them. Yes, you are indeed released today.

I am letting you go today. Yes today is the day that I send you on your way. I am letting go of the pain that I feel each time I see you. I am letting go of the “what ifs” that creep across my mind every now and then. Even “every now and then” is too much time to spend on what ifs. I am letting go of the anger that engulfs me whenever I speak to you. There are many things to be angry at, poverty, the condition of abused women and children, the restriction of reproductive rights, but you are no longer worth my valuable anger. And I am letting go of the fear I had when I was with you, as you know, fear is a great manipulator, and you are very skilled in its use.

I am giving you all of your stuff back. Every push, shove, outburst and passive abuse is all yours, you can have them. I am giving back the hatred you have for me and mine. I don’t know why you feel the way you do, but it is yours, and you can have it back. You can have your wife, girlfriend, or whoever she was back, you really do belong to and with her. Please take back the fantasy life that you thought you could have had with me. It was just a fantasy, not based on reality and I don’t believe it anymore. I am also giving you back the shorts, shirt and shoes you left at my place, I don’t need them.

The reality is that I am selfishly doing all these things for me and not for you. Because in forgiving you, I am actually forgiving me. Your release, releases me from bitterness and resentment that harms and stunts my growth. Letting you go gives me the opportunity to move to the next adventure and experience. Clearing out the closet of my mind and giving you back your stuff, well, it leave space for new memories to occupy that area, and gives my mind the ability to remember all the wonderful joys, experiences, adventures, and laughs that inhabit that space.

And so I selfishly do those things today because I love me enough to do it…and don’t you think it was about time…lol.


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