A letter to my 25 year old me…

You have no idea how wonderful you are...

You have no idea how wonderful you are…

Dearest Wendy,
Let me start by thanking you for making it to 25. I know that the road was not easy for you. It was filled with hurts, pains, disappointments and choices you did not want to make, but you made them – and believe me- you made the right ones.
Punkin, as you look back at your life, remember that this is just 25, you have so many wonderful years ahead of you, don’t rush life. You are not nor will you ever be perfect. You are not a disappointment to anyone, not Mom, not Dad, not anyone. You actually become quite a tremendous young woman and a damn good looking old broad). You are at the beginning of a wonderful journey that will lead you to unexpected places, remarkable situations, and in the path of an amazing group of people who will bless you beyond measure. (Now, don’t get too attached to some of them, they are only seasonal. They are not meant to be permanent fixtures in your life, but temporary safe harbors when life becomes stormy)
So let me tell you what is in store for you:
You are a teacher now, but you won’t always be in that profession. You will still teach, but it will be in different ways, in different venues, and to a variety of “students”. You will influence people formally and informally, and network with persons from all walks of life. By the time you are fifty, you will actually be writing for most of your bread and butter (I know, go figure…lol (I know you have no idea what lol is, but you will…lol)). You actually have a business consulting non-profits organizations. You will be slightly techno geeky and absolutely love what you do. You work on your own terms, you learn to balance work and life, and you do what you need to do to be the best you can be.
I am sorry to say that you will not have any children. This will cause an ache in your heart for many years. It will lead to bitterness and some anger, but you will survive. The Lord will give you a series of young people that will come and invade your life, and you will treat them as if they were your own. In time you will come to understand the reasons why there are no children. You will understand the choices you made and why you made them. You will also understand the choices that were made for you, the ones that you could not comprehend would ever happen, and you will see that it worked out for the good, and it was for the good. You will have a son named Carrington, but he won’t survive the pregnancy…You will keep him and the feelings you have for him forever in your heart. I think that is all I want to say about that, it still hurts.
Love will kick you in the ass…..several times. I mean really kick you in the ass… You will be married and you will be unmarried, and both of those will occur at the same time. Your heart will be ripped into pieces, but it will heal again. You will be hurt, and experience some of the worst lows in your life. Your self-esteem will seem to leave you, and you will feel lonely, but you are not alone. You will be called names, told that you are bad, and you will feel like absolutely nothing…and yes, you will make mistakes and you will try to retaliate in your own way. But, you will eventually lift your head and see your help, and your help will come. You will pick the same wrong man many times. He comes in different shapes and sizes, but he will still be the wrong one for you. I wish that I could tell you that I have gotten it right when I hit 50, but I have not. Maybe the 60 year old version of us will be able to shed some light on the matter. I can say that you will enjoy dating, once you figure out that you can date more than one person at a time. You will date a variety of people. People you never would have given a second look at, and when you are open to your dating pool, you will be just fine. Be careful, you will love hard and fall fast…
Finally my dear Wendy, you will realize that you are compassionate, passionate, smart, loyal to a fault, have a wicked sense of humor, politically correct or incorrect, fierce, and talented…and all those things make you beautiful. You stop listening to the good meaning voices in your life (and the voices that don’t mean you any good), and live with purpose and determination. You are not fat. You are not obese. You are not worthless. Your beauty starts with all the qualities that set you apart from others. You are curvy and sexy. You are stylish and full of life. No matter what others say, hold on to that, there will be times when that will be the only thing that will keep you afloat.
You will come to understand that you are on a journey, an adventure so to speak. You will be open to new experiences, meet new people, live in different places – yes, you will move from the comfort zone of Indianapolis, and live in places you never imagined. You will even come to love eating Brussels sprouts (you still won’t like broccoli though). You will meet new friends, have several lovers, and learn many new things that you will enjoy. You will get rid of friends, lovers, and the things you did because you felt obligated to do. Most of all you will come to love you…just the way you are.
Take care of yourself – and keep doing what you do best – Live-Love- Laugh

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