Sometimes there are songs in your life that just touch you. Anyone who knows me, really knows me, knows that there is one song that I took as my own personal theme song for a really cloudy period in my life.
I remember the first time I heard it. It just took my breath away. I was riding with Kim, a co-worker, headed to lunch, and she said, hey, have you heard the new one by Jill Scott. Well, let me first say that a few years prior to that, I had no clue who Jill Scott was. I was taking a group of kids to Dallas for a conference, and one of the kids started calling me Miss Scott. I was like who is Jill Scott? (Not realizing that was also the name of one of her first CD’s) After the kids laughed at me, they showed me a picture of her. I guess with my hair at that time, I vaguely looked like her, so. I decided to listen to her CD. It has been a love affair ever since.
Now, while riding with my friend, she says, “you have to hear the latest by Jill Scott”. She puts in the CD and we are listening. She pointed out to me the cut “Cross my mind” which was good, because he was running across my mind. Wondering what he was doing, was he feeling the pain that I was feeling? Yet at the end of that song Jill says that …I just miss the things we used to do. I was like, that is true, I don’t miss you, I miss the idea of you ,because the reality…..well you get the picture. Then my friend put on “Golden” and my reaction was alarming and different.
I wanted my life to be golden. I wanted to be valuable, to be worth something. I was at a point in my life where I felt worthless. I was questioning each decision that I had ever made, from breakfast to marriage. I was lost, and had lost myself. I did not know who I was, but I knew I needed to be someone different then who I was at that moment. I was stuck, and could not find my way out. My wheels were spinning like they were in a Alabama mud hole. I was spinning around, going nowhere, and headed there fast. Then I heard this song.
At first the beat got me. It had my head moving from side to side. Then the first words…”I’m taking my freedom”. I thought to myself, that is what I have to do. I have to take my life back, not only take it back but regain my freedom, pull it off the shelf, put it on a chain, and wear it on my neck. Those words to me were powerful. They were full of energy and life. They were the words I needed to hear. It was a call to action. It was a challenge. I was being called out, being held accountable for my life. I could either sit in my mud hole or I could get out. I had the power to free myself. Not only could I free myself, but I would wear it with pride. I could show the battle scars, the hurt, the pain, the rejection, and still come out on the other side, stronger and wiser than when I began.
As I listened more, it resonated even more with me, “I’m holding on to my freedom, Can’t take it from me, I was born into it, it comes naturally”. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks, I was naturally free. Yes, I had given up my freedom for a moment, I was born to be free. Freedom was my birthright; it was my heritage, my inheritance. It was mine, and I would never fritter (yes, I said fritter) it away again. It will not be taken by force or coercion. It will not be manipulated or diluted. I will never allow someone to devalue or attempt destroy it ever again. As I listened to that song for the first time, I cried, because I finally knew what I had to do. It was scary, and I was very afraid, but I knew it had to be done; I had to take back my freedom.
There are many songs that move me to tears. Songs that take me on emotional roller coasters of love and happiness to joy and despair, but never had a song moved me to personal action. An action that began a movement and that movement brought me to the revolution and evolution that was and is my life. Thank you Jill Scott, for reminding that I should always live my life as if it were golden, because it really is.