If you keep looking at the closed door, you will never see what is on the other side. Open the door and get out of the room…there is a whole world waiting for you.
There was a time when I felt stuck. I was in a nowhere job, in a nowhere
marriage, and feeling like I had nowhere to go. I knew there was a life for me somewhere, but I didn’t know how to get there. I was living a lie, and what was worse, I was beginning to believe the lie. There is nothing worse than believing the lie that you have created. It just stifles you. It makes you believe that the lie is your reality. That lie has become your truth. And when you take a closer look at it, you don’t believe there is any way out to your situation.
My reality was that I knew deep down that my marriage was in deep trouble, but I was living the lie that it would get better. If I just hung in there, he would see my value. How much of this disaster was my fault, and had I everything I could to make it better? Where would I go if I left? Who could I speak the truth about where I was? What would be the reactions from my “friends” and family? Did they already know? How embarrassing would that be when/if they found out?
I had the same nightmare night after night and day after day…I am standing at the door and it is closed I am too scared to open it because I don’t know what is on the other side. I don’t feel that I am good enough to get out the door. I am not pretty enough, smart enough or strong enough to open the door. It may be uncomfortable out there. Who will want me. I am a pig, that’s what he lovingly called me. I am not a good wife, that is what he wrote daily on the office calendar. I was a liar, a cheater, non-supportive, dirty, messy, and a weak person. I was shut up in this room and saw no way to get out. I felt alone and trapped…
I had allowed myself to be trapped in a room. A room, sadly, created and decorated by me. I was isolated, closed off from family and friends, and it was of my own doing. I just faded into the background because it was easier than to fighting him. What I failed to realize was that the biggest fight I had would be with myself, but I knew I was not ready for that battle yet.
One evening I went to a spoken word event, and the artist stated that sometimes we have to be presented with a crisis in order for us to take action…Well for me, that crisis happened when one day he said he was leaving. And for the first time, I was finally ready to speak and fight for me. So I said, “really, what day?” I realized that whatever was on the other side of the door, had to be better than what was inside that room, and I wanted out. The other side of the door had to hold something different from where I was standing. Going out the door meant motion and movement. It was an escape and freedom. I had dared to say good-bye to my fear and to walk on the other side. I finally saw that the vision I had of me was actually the one he had wanted, and that was a lie. I had mustered up my courage, and made the decision to finally love myself more than I felt the comfort of my miserable situation, and so, I opened the door.
There was sunshine on the other side, it was bright, beautiful warm and welcoming. I found that I was stronger than I knew. I was wonderful and beautifully made. I was a gift, a precious treasure a rare gem to be admired and valued. The other side of the door was filled with friends and family who had always loved me, accepted me for who I was and was waiting for me to come out. Outside of the room was a road, and while I did not know which way to go, I knew that I needed to begin a journey, the journey back to me. Of course there have been some clouds along the way. There have been detours, traps, narrow escapes, flat tires, and bumps and bruises. But they are my detours, and bumps and bruises. And they are my realities or illusions. I took ownership of my life just by taking the action of opening the door.
Odd thing is, my opening the door really let us both out of that room. He was free to go and be him. To do what he needed to do to be whatever he needed to be. Funny, when people hold you captive in a room, they become trapped in the room with you. They are so scared of what you are going to do they forget that their life is outside the door too.
There is an entire world waiting for you to get out of your room. You may have decorated it with nice things, but in the end, it is still a room and life is still outside. Your room may be a relationship, or a job, or food. Your room may be your children or your family. You may be locked in your room of fear, change, or growth. Your room may be a room of comfort. Where ever you are, if you are standing in your room, staring at the door, go ahead…take that first step – open the door. You may not walk out, but at least let some fresh air in.